When it comes to parenting, there are quite a few hot button issues. One of those issues is…are you ready for this?? HARNESSES. I have read a million and one of these debates and always end up mentally giving 75% of participants the Are You Really That Stupid?? look. Still, I have learned a LOT from these debates and I’m here to share it with you, bulletin style. Your welcome.
- Harnessing or leashing your child is treating your child like a dog. You know.. with care, love, and respect. It’s disgusting. People leash their dogs to give them freedom to walk while also keeping them safe and in a controlled environment. Children don’t need any of that. Strap them down to a chair with wheels, it’s clearly more humane.
- Parents that harness are terrible, sick people. They have no regard for image and only concern themselves with petty things, like safety. Wussies. If they had a single shred of self-respect for their child, they would remove the harness and allow the child to look like a decent human being. Seriously, there are more things to worry about than cars and kidnappers.
- Not only are these people not concerned at all with image, they also have no concern for discipline. If your child doesn’t walk beside you like a perfect angel or if he/she likes to slip his/her slippery, sweaty hand out of yours, you aren’t doing your job. You can TEACH them to stay beside you or to hold your hand at all times a few different ways:
- LEAVE. It doesn’t matter how much you paid for those Disney World tickets or how much it will suck to walk all the way back to the car when you were only a minute from where you were going, when they disobey and pull away or walk away–you LEAVE. The whole family should suffer until your little devil learns his lesson.
- BEAT SOME ASS. ‘Nuff said.
- Natural consequences. This works for SO much and I use it for almost everything. Have I ever told you all about the time The Samurai electrocuted himself? He doesn’t play with the outlets anymore!! (Put the phone down, it was really just an accident.. don’t call CPS!) You know what else natural consequences works for? Running into the road. Kid runs into the road, kid gets hit, kid won’t run into the road again. I promise. Works for kidnapping, too. Ever heard of a kid being kidnapped twice? I haven’t.
- Most other safety devices are approved by most parents. This can be confusing. Cribs look like baby cages with the bars and all that, but they are fine. Same with playpens. Obviously, treating your child like a pet is fine..just not a pet dog. Strollers? Again, restraining your kid like a criminal or mentally unstable patient by strapping him to a chair with wheels is totally cool. Baby gates are fine, too. Pretty much anything and everything that allows your child to safely explore his or her surroundings is AWESOME, except leashes/harnesses.
Moral of the story: I do not care if your harness looks like this..